Okay so this is a bit of a tangent from my usual parenting chats but I had a request for single mum dating advice so here you go!
If you’ve been out of the dating world for a while you may need to prep a bit before you take it on.
Here are some tips for getting out there again:
Get your mindset right:
- Be who you want to attract — positive, passionate, enjoying life. When you are feeling positive about life, have hobbies or work that you love, fantastic friendships and enjoy your life without a partner then you will become the kind of person others are drawn to!
- There are plenty of fish — abundance mindset. Every guy you meet is not the last man on earth! Remember that 90% of the people you meet will not be the right person for you. So if a date doesn’t go well don’t take it too personally — get out there and try again.
- Open minded — look outside your usual ‘type’ and be open to any outcome — try to enjoy the process of dating. Even if it’s just one date — look for what was positive about it, so what if you didn’t find him attractive — was the coffee good?
- Play the long game — According to Jeffrey Hall, a professor at the University of Kansas, friendship takes hours to cultivate. He found that it took 90 hours of hanging out for someone to become more than just a casual friend and that making a best friend took over 200 hours generally. So don’t rush things! If you fall in love in a week, it’s probably your hormones talking!
- Build attraction rather than pushing for commitment too soon. Guys usually take longer than we want them too to make up their minds. (But don’t wait too long! If he’s not that into you, move on.)
- Work through your baggage — don’t give up on love because it didn’t work out before. Those old relationships ended because they were broken. The guy ghosted because he was not the one for you. Perhaps you fought all the time because you had chemistry, that initial spark of attraction, but were not overly compatible. (Compatibility is what matters in the long run. The more similar you are the better according to new research)
- Learn to identify red flags to keep yourself and your kids safe: love bombing is one. If a guy showers you with intense romance and statements of love in the first few weeks be wary. Healthy people don’t fall in love at first sight. Attraction — yes, but real love takes time. Many relationship experts recommend waiting two years before you get married because it takes a long time to get to know someone properly. If someone is moving too fast, move on.
When you are ready you can find guys anywhere:
Of course, you can go online to find a date and there are many sites of varying quality for this but really, guys can be found anywhere.
Join groups where there might be singles. Start a new sport where you play on a mixed team. Go out places with your friends. Get out of the house! You can even meet people at the supermarket.
One approach to meeting guys anywhere is the question/ compliment technique. When you spot an interesting looking man, ask for help, advice, or give a compliment. Smile, make eye contact, use open, friendly body language.
When you get a date be approachable and playful — use open body language, smile, tip your head slightly (we notice micro-expressions like this subconsciously — they tell us if people are a threat or not. Find out about more about body language if you think you might be making a first impression with people as stern or unfriendly). Be confident, know you are fantastic but try not to look down on your date if they aren’t what you were expecting. Don’t be defensive, interrogative or scary! Remember it’s a conversation to get to know a stranger, not an interview for a husband.
For more dating tips listen to podcasts or youtube videos from experts like Evan Marc Katz or Marni Battista from the Dating Den.
And (as it may happen) if your heart gets broken in the process check out my blog post on that to get some advice — It’s for teens but applies to any age.
That’s just a start, but hope it helps!
Until next time
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